How the Copilot AI Bot saved my Writing Life
Did not see that coming.
The instantaneous vexation that I feel as Copilot barges on to my blank document.
Describe what you want to write.
Yet - one moment, this is a good question. Describe what you want to write.
Well why do I write? Why do you write?
Initially the title of this piece was going to be “Health Warning: Being alive can seriously damage your health”.
But – that is not really the reason I am resigning from my own Newsletter Square Peg Women. I seem to have, through connecting with the wisdom of my own knowing, written myself to find myself, and why I write.
The Square Peg Women whom I wrote about to inspire other women to embrace their Peggishness has been an unmitigated success, it worked. On me. It has been an epiphany earnt by an internal wrestling match, between over thinking, impulsive actions, hodge podge WTF discomfort. Mostly not trusting the process, or truthfully, not trusting myself. Steeped as I was in Archetypical Destroyer energy, the Ultimate Terminator that will never stop, until THE END credits roll.
Through writing about, and latterly as if I was the Square Peg woman, I knew was an act of holding up the mirror to my own troubled life history and experiences, finding allies and a #metoo comfort blanket.
The health reason for my resignation was a deflection away from myself, too, true, yet not the essence of this farewell. I coexist with a selection of health issues, upcoming major surgeries, my neurodiverse brain and I am a Carer for my mother, living in the same property. All predictably unpredictable. These “things” are a constant, even if form, content and impact vary. A precarious pile that I fail to file in a methodical manner, replete with cross references and a colour coded system. But I was bored with this being the filter through which I wrote, the compulsive obligation to reference these facts as a reason why I had to change the publishing schedule, the form the content. I was afeared this was just an ADHD mind fart too. But deeper down niggle, Niggle, NIGGLE.
CoPilot demands attention: Describe what you want to write.
Yesterday, Sunday 29th June 2025, it occurred to me I am allowed to stop writing about Square Peg Women, to stop hiding in their/the shadows. I was still trying to squish my Square Peg self into a round hole.
I discovered the classic who, why, what, how and when arc of my life story. Of why I write.
Substack is not the right fit for the work I want to publish now, what I want to write, content, form, and how and when. Square Peg women say no to round holes. I just did not listen. The fear of being grandiose, the legacy of shame, of not knowing why I was “all wrong” and never “got” this thing called life. The relief was mighty; psychologically and physically an onerous burden dissolved, even if I was the one who placed this onerous burden on myself. Unwittingly.
Question – is this still an ADHD freak? An excuse, another sign that I fail all the time to achieve anything or form any relationships, with people on the platform in the workshops, not with subscribers either. Inattentive, distracted, flaky unreliable stupid. Unloved and unwanted. Rejection.
But – what if I work with my proclivities? I can write pieces that entice me, that intrigue and challenge, and submit to all the amazing different types of publications that exist out there, niche and mainstream. I can be experimental and explore multimedia. Multiple submissions. I can travel across genres, the world, rather than coming back to the same place with a sense of duty. Risky perhaps, ignoring the advice that Substack is a long game, safer, consistent, the place to be? Yet the risk of not honouring me, is far greater and consequential.
This suits me and reflects how I operate, my challenges are my gifts, it is why I write. To question, disrupt, nerd out on ideas and how this applies, the “other” perspective of which I have an embarrassment of riches, and more than that – what about the perspectives, the ideas that yet to be discovered. It is why I write.
To be the Square Peg Woman I am – to “lead” by example. That this odd out of synch human being, (note the third person) is why I write, why I create, why I am photographer and nascent artist. To create and then send these parts of myself into the world. Then find the “next great thing” that excites me, that I want to share, that I believe can make a difference somehow, without deciding in advance what that might be. To trust the reader, the viewer, to take what they need and let the ripple effect take place. Or not. To destroy, no matter how terrifying, no matter how ingrained the projections, the introjections, the beliefs that I am wrong. What if my wrong is absolutely right. I am not putting a question mark. It is a statement of intent.
I am going to leave my Substack up there, perhaps someone might find something interesting or useful in any of the posts.
I will still be here on Substack; I have joined great resources and communities @whiteink @chillsubs @Londonwriterssalon. I shall still access @swaw as there is always something to learn that I can apply. These are the ways I can nurture and be nurtured, facing the discomfort I experience at being seen and facing the Harry Potteresque Death Eaters aka my fears and anxieties around being unable to form relationships in groups, of being in communities, of having anything cogent or interesting to add, of being misunderstood. The struggle is predicated on the difficulty I have in forming a relationship with myself.
There are of course some beautiful inspiring human beings and writers whose work and ideas I love, so I want to share my support and interest, as they deserve that credit for being ways-showers.
Thank you all
Please share this with anyone you think might benefit from my “journey” .
It is utterly and brilliantly more than OK to be you, to write and create who you are, how you want, where you want.
Square Peg Women, Square Peg Humans, say no to round holes.
And about bloody time too.
Much love
Lucy